I sit on my hands to stifle my mouth, so I won't say what I really want to. Hopefully this makes it easier for people that aren't emotionally equipped to handle what I have to say. One part of me says it's a good idea not to say what's on my mind because sometimes people aren't ready for it, be it good or bad. I feel like it's a good idea to be dishonest and quiet to keep the peace. That way I only have to deal with how I feel about it. Then I get resentful because everyone wants to pretend like it's all good all the time and it's not. The layers of subterfuge and bullshit beneath it all, like a chocolate layer cake. What kind of person can I be in your life, pretending? I guess I'm supposed to know my place and fit into it as you see fit. I'll just tell you what you want to hear.
I am quite the work of art. A visionary thinker, a creative beacon of light. An Aquarian goddess of sorts. I've been charted (astrologically) and I don't find much Libra in my mix. I am surrounded by so many (Libras), they must balance out what I lack in my chart. Still I find myself weighing my own options and opinions, looking for whatever balance I can find.
The other part of me wants to tell people to man up. You have to know that you won't always like what I have to say, let alone agree with it. My opinion and my skewed view of life is what makes me me. Would you want me any other way? Don't answer that. The other part of me wants to make sure that people know exactly where I stand each time we talk. And if for some reason you don't get it, I want to drive the concept home. I've been told that I think too much. Maybe I'm just thinking extra for those that don't think at all.
So, I'm going back to my chair, to sit on my hands some more. And no, I can't sit on my mouth. Trust me, someone would've tried that by now.
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